Final Countdown

I have been missing in action lately, mostly because I have been busy preparing for new baby, working and taking Sarah to her many activities. I am officially on leave at work now, so I have more time. Sarah still keeps me busy, but it is a good kind of busy. She started Karate about a month ago and loves it, and is pretty good at it too! She recieved her first stripe and has been on cloud nine. She also does soccer, which she also likes, not quite as much as karate, but she still likes it. I am now officially 9 months pregnant. After months and months of thinking this baby had to be a c-section, and even scheduling that c-section, my dr. thinks that I have a chance at a regular birth. I am hoping nature allows me the oppurtunity, so I am her waiting to see when and what happens! I am now feeling very pregnant, slowing down, tired all the time, and one big pain everywhere! I live on tums and have even broken down and taken tylenol a couple of times......I am gettting very nervous now, about the birth and about life after..I hope I remember what to do! Well that is my update for now...have to get my princess ready for soccer, I will try to update more often...after all I spend more time sitting now than ever!

Can't Win

Just when it seems things might be better they all fall apart again. I once again have found that I am a failure as a wife, not much better as a mother and just plain miserable. Some days I just want to give it all up. This is definatly one of them.

Why I hate money!

I was having a really good day! Until I called the dealer to make an appointment for my car. We have to get it tuned up and have the timing belt changed. It is way over due for the tune up and with the new baby coming we really need it done. THe car is close to 100 thousand miles so we can't afford to have it break down. Well anyway the estimated cost for the car is 800!! I have to have it done. Our local mechanic won't touch it for these type of things because it is a Hyundai and you need to be a Hyundai specialist apparently to properlyl tune them up. So as soon as our tax return check comes in it will be flying right back out....oh well at least the car will be in good shape. We still need to get tires and brakes, but the local guy will do that for us, and he is cheaper. OH well. I guess I will go and try to salvage my good day and take sarah out to the park....at least that won't cost money!

Annoyed!!!

I am getting super tired of hearing from everyone that I am carrying this baby so small, and how wonderful I look, and how lucky I am! I just want to scream! Yes I am carrying very small, for 7 months preg. I am lucky if I look 4 months. However, my baby is the same size as any other 7 month fetus...which means, that he is taking up just as much room. So just because I am small on the outside does nto mean that I am happy and feeling normal. My stomache is squished to the point that I can hardly eat, I am lucky if I can eat as much as my 4 year old in one sitting. My bladder is being squished, and we all know what that causes. My back is killing me, as is my butt, since all the pressure from the inside is causing all kinds of painful issues in that area. I am exhausted by days end since most days I am on my feet all day, whether it is because I am at work, or trying to keep up with an active 4 year old. I just wish everyone would realize that just becuase I do not have a huge belly doesn't mean that I am not just as miserable as any other pregnant woman who has entered the 3rd trimester!! Yes I am whining here, but I have a right!!!!

One of those days...

I am having one of those days where I am feeling like I can do nothing right. I am a failure as a wife, mother and just in general. Once again I let my husband down, and I know he deserves better. I am achey all over and feel crappy today which makes me even more miserable. My house is a mess and I can not get the motivation to get up and clean it. I really do not want to go to work......I jsut want to stay home and be miserable today.

A Penis question

LOL Now that I know I have gotten some attention....I have a question for any moms of boys. Did you circumsize...and if you did, have you regretted it? I have been doing a lot of research and talking to people from both sides....and it seems that there really is no real reason to circumsize..other than it is what was always done. I have read a lot of info about adverse effects of circumsizing, and a lot of benifits of not doing it. Is there anyone who has insight into this. I am pretty sure I do not want to do it, but hubby has a totally different opinion...and since he is the one with the penis, I want his support in this.

I'm Back!!

I finally remembered my password...so I can post on my blog again! Almost 7 months preg. now and feeling more and more nervous about the new baby. There is so much to do to get ready for this little man. I am worried about money, worried about how Sarah will handle things, and worried about how I will handle things.
Today I had the biggest scare of my life, I was in the kitchen on the phone with hubby when I heard a thud thud thud, and I knew what it meant, I ran out of the kitchen in time to see sarah cartwheeling down our 13 wooden steps, I got there just in time to see her slam the back of her head into the wall. I grabbed her and checked her all over, finding only a small scrape on the back of her head, but it was such a hard hit that I took her in to the dr. They scared the life out of me when they were concerened that the right side of nose was leaky, they went and got a special test to see if it was mucous or possibly spinal/brain fluid!! The test was negative thank god, but still scared the life out of me. I have to keep a close eye on her for a day or two but so far she seems perfectly fine, I however am still very shaken up, and have felt ill all day from it. I am sure I will be having nightmares all night!

Just a little vent

While posting on someone's blog I encounter a comment tht I am pretty sure was intented for me. Basically it was a comment about how people who do not check posts for typos and then edit and rewrite do not care about what they write. This really bothered me. IT bothered me becausd I know that my posts alwas have typos and always have misspellings. Do I care about my posts? Most definatly. Am I a bad speller? YEs! Why then do I not go back and reread and edit. Well it is quite simple. I can't. I have a blind eye. I can only see out of my right eye. My left is useless. Since I only have one eye to use it gets very tired doing the work of two eyes. I am very prone to mistakes in typing because my eye can not keep up with my fingers, where a normal seeing person uses 2 eyes to read with I only use one, which means that I read at half the pace. I also tend to reverse spellings of words, and sometimes totally mess things up but I usually do not notice this as I type. If I had to constantly go back and re read every thing then I would never get anything done. I get bad headaches after a short time typing and reading. I am so sorry that this is coming out as self pity, I am just so frustrated at the comment, when it was so untrue... I do care about what I write....it isn't my fault that my typing is terrible.....I hope that this gets passed on to the one who made the comment, I know one of my readers will know who I am referring to.

Odds and ends

It has been so long since my last post, I have many things to say, but not much time so I will try to be brief, and informative.
Things with hubby are much better, still have a way to go to have the relationship that I want and need, but we are heading in the right direction. I still wish that we could communicate more effectively. I feel like I can't talk to him without saying the wrong thing or without bothering him, sometimes it seems like he just wants me to leave him alone all the time unless it is for intimate reasons, but we are working on it and have made progress. On a positive note, we have been making big improvements on our meatloaf recipies, and are working on having meatloaf as much as we can............
Sarah is doing really well, she amazes us everyday with her cleverness, and how darn cute she can be! She loves preschool and is doing really well. She continues to do well at dance, and gymnastics, and now wants iceskating lessons......I think we can wait on those. Santa is going to be really good to her....a little to good if you ask me......we will need a bigger house soon just for her stuff. Recently we have stopped sending her to daycare because of some concerns we had with her care, so now hubby has taken on a lot of the responsibilty of her care while I am at work, so far it is going well and Sarah is a lot happier, and I am a lot less stressed.
After waiting one month, as directed by my gyn/ob we have now started trying for another baby, keep your fingers crossed for this month, I am very nervous since I have now had 2 misscarriages in a row, I am so afraid to concieve because I am certain that it will end like the others, I really want another baby, but my body seems to disagree, so please send your prayers to us......
Thanks for reading! I promise to keep up to date on my blog........as much as I can!

Some days.......

After a day from hell at work......7 hrs with no break, running 3 b-day parties without help, and feeling like crap, only to come home to a grumpy husband, a crazy kid, and tons of house work that I have neglected all week, mostly because of work and a sick kid. Then grumpy husband leaves in a huff, and I have to take the coughing kid out to get water for her humidifier before the store closes. It is just one of thsoe days.

meatloaf and other stuff

I was recently reading a blog of one of my dh's friends, and I found it very refreshing to know that there are other wives/mothers out there who have some of the same issues that I do. So if that person happens across my blog, I would like to say thank you for the meatloaf post, and remember you are not alone! I too am in the search for the perfect meatloaf....to share with my dh of course! Right now though I have other fish to fry.....the little one has bronchitis and is being very grumpy she is highly demanding right now and it is hard to deal with, but poor dh has had her all day and now it is my turn.....so back to grumpy for me!

My newest obsession

This time I found the greatest obsession! Freecycle....I have already gotten rid of, a toy box filled with stuff, an old shelf we had no use for, an elmo potty, and a booster chair. And tomorrow someone is coming to pick up and old stroller I have......at this rate we will be decluttered in a week! I love freecycle!

Why I hate my husbands hobby

It is not that I actually hate his hobby, just that I hate how it affects me.......now my husband thinks I am selfish for my feelings but Ireally am not......here are some of the reasons I hate when he goes to his "club:

1) After working all day and not seeing him, he leaves and is gone untill 11pm or later......Sarah and I both miss him, and Sarah becomes quiete miserable at bed time.

2) if a problem comes up(and lately they always seem to) he is to far away to do anything, and he yells at me for calling him to try and get some help.

3) In order to get to his club he has to take my car, since his is a bomb, and that leaves me carless and dependant on other people.

4) I feel like I can't call to say hello, or just to get reassurance after a tough night, since I have been told that I am a nuisance, and that I do not give him any peace....so missing my husband is not an option apparently.

5) no matter how many times I confront him he spends way too much money on his models and other stuff, and he doesnt' ask me(or discuss it with me) when I spend any money I check with him first...and since money is tight, I think I deserve the same.

6) Sometimes it seems like his hobby and his club are much more a priorty than we are.........I know that isn't true but sometimes it feels like that.......

7) Okay I will admit some of it is jealousy, having giving up my own hobby(marital arts) to have more time at home and to save some money, I feel a little jealous (okay a lot) that he has not made a similar sacrifice.

8) I hate being alone at night.....( this is mostlly not the case tough as I have a friend who is normally here on the nights he goes otu, so this point is not really that valid.

Okay now that I have gotten all that out...and knowing my h usband will be reading it, and most likely take it as a personal attack, which it is nto....I simply needed to vent my feelings and frustrations....knowing full well that it would not change anything, and not expecting it to change anythign....all I am hoping for is some opinions, takig sides is fine...I just need to know if I really am being as unreasonable in my feelings, as my husband says I am.

A little Motivation goes a long way!

It is amazing how a little motivation can get you moving. As some of you may know, Carmen and I have a some issues with orginazation when it comes to our house.....we try to be neat but it just doesn't happen. Well I have been really depressed lately about our house and how bad it looks. We just found out that our good friends will be moving in right down the road from us....which means that we will be having them over all the time for play dates and such.....well now I have a reason to clean! We have really started to get things going....laundry is getting done, toys are being put away........it is great! I hope it keeps up.....it is a great feeling!

Feeling like a bad mom....

No matter how much I swear I will nto yell and threaten Sarah, it seems she always pushes the right buttons. Once again I used yelling and threats to get her to listen....I am so upset.....she wouldn't nap for me, and I need her to nap because we are going to fireworks tonight....so I layed down withher and tried....she tossed and turned and climbed all over me....and refused to sleep. I took away her new toy(a pocket watch) and threaten to throw it away....that didnt' work....she still kept it up...so finally I picked her up and yelled at her, told her to go to sleep now and knock ti off....of course she cried, and of course I got upset and told her I was sorry but she needs to listen. So I put her in her own room, kissed her gave her her watch back, and left.
She is now asleep....but at what cost....I yelled at her made her cry....she probably hates me

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I wanted to share our Fourth of July picture, a rare picture of the whole family.....the all american family LOL. Enjoy.

Happy 4th!

Happy Fourth of July! I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday weekend. We have been busy, a party at my sister's house on Saturday and a party at my step-mothers on Sunday....Sarah played hard both days....poor kid is exhausted but she had a great time. Tomorrow we take her to fireworks......her first actual fireworks, she has seen them before but from a distance this will be her first upclose expierence!

A parental disagreement.......

We went over to visit some family today and sarah got to play with her boy cousins, she found a toy gun and was playing with it with her cousin's and with in 10 min. she was using it to show her anger and frustration......for example her 2 1/2 year old cousinmade her angry by trying to take her toy so she points the gun at his head and says I shot you! This really bugs me........alot. I do not want her playing with guns at all and if it wasn't for her father telling her she could I would have put a stop to it right then and there, but I didnt' want to go against him infront of her...but she will nto be allowed to play with them from here on in......his philosophy is well if she didnt' have a gun she could hit him with a stick, my word on that is sticks dont' kill.....if she decides to get mad and swing a stick it isnt' leathal........needless to say this is one agrument I plan to win, my daughter is not going to play with guns, I do not liket he behavior and I will nto let it go on!

and Mommy was there too

Here is a pic of me and sarah with Billy Baldwin. I look awful, it was along day, we got caught out in the pouring rain more than once! So pardon the way I look.

Sarah and the celeberty

We went to a bird of prey day at a local farm. It was a big event, many big names were there, Jim Fowler of Nation geographic, Matthew Modine, Billy Baldwin, lots of events going on. We actually managed to get a picture of Sarah with Billy Baldwin, it was neat he actually turned around to talk to us while we were watching the animal show, he turned to tell us that we might want to shield sarah's eyes because the hawk was going toi bite off the mouse's head and he thought she might be scare, he was so nice, then after the show we got his picture, my friend who was with me couldn't work my camera so I had to take the pic!